Reply to ONS had a child - How screwed am I?

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[quote=Anonymous]Op, some people have been harsh with you. I get that this is not something you planned. I get that it's a kick in the head to suddenly be a father, and to be forced to have a long-term relationship with someone (the mother) you did not plan to have.

It's all happened, however. This is your life and it is happening and you have to decide how you will react.

The easy thing to do is just to send the money and act like it *isn't* happening. I can understand the pull to do that. But. That would just be living in denial. It would be a kind of magical thinking, that this isn't real, and that you don't have responsibilities here.

The mature, adult thing to do is to look at this head-on.

There is a real child, a person, who needs to feel loved and accepted by its creators. This is a pretty fundamental need. Feeling abandoned by a parent can lead to all kinds of emotional issues later in life. This person, this child, this other human being, is half-you and is therefore tied to you for life. This person did nothing wrong, made no choices, and is completely innocent.

Rather than asking "how screwed am I," you could ask yourself, "how wonderful will this be for me?" How wonderful for you to grow as a person, to mature, to look life's challenges head-on and accept them. How wonderful for you to have a link with this child, someone to share in love with you, someone to care for and to feel connected to. How wonderful to know that, come whatever "drama" comes from the mother, you can and will be a stable, accepting, and loving presence in a child's life, and offer them unconditional support and caring. You have it in you to do all of this. If you want to.

Or, you could just walk away.

It all comes down to what kind of person you want to be. [/quote]

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