Reply to Rant re DH's family

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[quote=Anonymous]New poster here. I don't get all the nasty comments towards the OP. Seems like pretty reasonable feelings that she has. The problem is that she's feeling them towards the wrong person.

Her husband had a messed up family. He knew it, she knew it. They paid for the other siblings' tuition but not for his. It sounds like they were also a bit rough towards her regarding being an immigrant. In any case, OP and her husband decided they didn't want to have people like that in their life, and they moved on.

Except that the husband didn't move on. Fast forward and he's now having regular contact with them and acting like everything is fine. I guess for him it is fine, better than he hoped it would work out. He gets his family of origin, much better than before, he gets his new family, and he gets his loans paid. The loans that he could never pay off himself.

The OP feels betrayed. SHE was the one who was there for him. Not his family of origin. SHE was the one who paid his debts. Not his family of origin. SHE was the one who had children with him, presumably without help of his family of origin. And now she has to suck it all up and act like there was no betrayal from his family of origin and they were super awesome supportive people the whole time.

They are awful people. For the haters in the thread, how would you be responding if the OP had said that she got along well with her family in law until one day when they got out some paper and started writing up a will and splitting up the pie and all the siblings were gonna get a big chunk except her husband, who would get nothing. And then she's supposed to act like it's no big deal. I couldn't do that, even if it was a pretty small cake. But especially not when that cake equals a fairly significant lifestyle standard difference (vacations when there might not otherwise have been any, etc).

Student loans are no joke. It's a LOT of money. Especially when HER family were the ones who ultimately helped pay it all off (either directly or indirectly). The immigrants who were apparently looked down on.

The biggest issue that I see is that the betrayal wasn't from his family. It was from him. You have the right to not see them again, because they seem like pretty nasty people. But don't resent them. Resent your husband for letting them treat you badly and then sticking his head in the sand about it.

And I agree with the other posters that his student loans aren't his parents' responsibility. HE is the one who should have paid them. But it's very shitty for his parents to pay off the other siblings' tuition but not his. And you have an absolute right to not have anything to do with them about it. "Family" isn't a free pass to treat people like shit and get away with it.

-S[/quote]

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