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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, are you from a different culture or a very patriarchal religious culture? Because the questions you're asking are odd ones.

As you say, what's done is done, and you need to deal with it, but not once have you seemed angry at your husband for concealing this affair/child and taking your son to meet her over and over. Then you say he told your son it wasn't a secret, which suggests that he thinks this whole situation is no big deal, and, frankly, it sounds like your goal is to feel like that, too.

This reaction only makes sense in the context of a culture where women have little to no say in the direction of family life.[/quote]

I'm not from a patriarchal culture, no.  I am a full partner in my family, and if anything, [b]I am more of a boss than DH is[/b].  I make my decisions independently.

I'm of course very angry at DH for what he did, and especially for involving my son, but that was not the focus of this discussion so didn't see much point in it.  It's perfectly normal and natural to have anger, and I do, but anger should not make decisions for you.  These are important matters, where little kids and the trajectory of their lives is concerned; anger has no place in deciding how the rest of the story goes.  DH and I are dealing with the anger separately as adults.  Kids have nothing to do with this. [/quote]

OP, first, please recognize that you aren't the boss at all.  Your husband did and does what he pleases without consulting you (affair, taking your son to meet sibling, being involved in sibling's life, etc.).  I think we're all surprised - not about the affair or even the love child - but that your husband made family choices that could severely impact your children without discussing it with you first (or even mentioning it to you before doing it). Ideally, you and your DH should have discussed the love child, agreed that he'd be part of her life, and agree how to introduce her to your family and what to say - and then have your son meet her.

So, even though you keep asking "what do I tell the kids?"  Really, it's no longer up to you.  YOU NO LONGER HAVE A SAY IN HOW THIS IS PRESENTED TO YOUR KIDS.  because your husband already decided how it's going to happen - without even bothering to mention it to you.

What do you tell the kids?  Well, tell them the truth - that daddy decides what the relationship will be between you and [your half sister] and daddy decides how to explain that relationship to you, so go ask daddy.

OP, do you understand now why we can't really help you? [/quote]

I'm not the OP, but this is absolute horseh*t. Of course she has a say in the matter. It looks like the first thing she's done is decide that she's not going to flop around and wallow in resentment and rage. A lot of people seem to feel that the kids hating their father is the optimal outcome.

I'm glad to read she's smarter than that. She damn well does sound like a boss. [/quote]

So, she has a say in when her son meets the love child?  (Hint:no) she has a say in how that sibling is introduced to that child?  (Hint:no) she had a say in how much her son will be involved in that other child's life?  (Hint:no)

You see, her DH already decided all that and already decided what to tell their son.  Im not condonijng that she villonize her husband, I'm just pointing out that these decision s were already made for her and her children.
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