Reply to What's the first 'dirty' thing you notice in someone else's house?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are the people who are complaining about cluttered houses the same people wondering why people don't reciprocate play dates and other invites?

My partner is much messier than I am. I could live my life cleaning up after him (tried that, horrendous, made me resentful), not cleaning up after him and hoping that he will have an epiphany and start picking things up (also horrible, epiphany never came), or asking for help on certain things and picking my battles, and letting some things go. The third one of what worked best, particularly as we both have very busy work schedules. For a while that nrant we never invited anyone over, because I was ashamed of the clutter. But that wasn't fun. Now we invite people over and, you know what, it's not the end of the world that there's clutter. We have a biweekly cleaner and cover the basics ourselves daily, do it's clean enough, but it's never going to look like a show home.

Anyway, this thread was helpful for thinking about what areas to prioritize, but I do want people to know that I've been able to keep my friends without being perfect; [b]in fact my friendships have probably improved because my friends and I let each other in on our daily lives for a last minute coffee or glass of wine, and not just after the marathon cleaning session. And the more I've been doing that, the more I'm realizing that not everyone else keeps a perfect home either, and that's okay.[/b][/quote]

And I think many people are relieved, because it gives the home a kind of comfy feel.  When you're relaxed and admit, "yeah, it's kind of cluttered" then it ends the weird, kind of hyper competitive vibe that some (new) friendships can sometimes have.

I am in my 20s but I have found that many men I have dated also seem to appreciate it.  I think it shows to them that you're chill, or something.

[/quote]

Agree. Our house isn't horrible and we definitely clean before people come, but there's always going to be some stuff out because it's a small house and there just isn't room for everything sometimes. We went on a play date to the house of DS's classmate and it was gorgeous. Huge house, beautiful furniture, expensive and lovely toys, immaculate. We really liked the couple but we felt quite intimidated and like they were out of our league. They even got dressed up for the occasion; we weren't slovenly but I wasn't wearing a little black dress to chase my 2 year old around! Anyway, we reciprocated, and we enjoyed their visit, but I'm pretty sure they thought our house was tiny and wondered how we deal. Turned out our kids don't get along great anyway so that was easy, and other play dates have been with parents more on our level. But I definitely felt -- for the first time ever, really -- like my house was judged and found wanting. Even though they were really nice. [/quote]

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