Reply to Why are people more sympathetic to Lindsay Clancy than Andrea Yates? (Child death mentioned)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My friend had a post partum nervous breakdown [b]at six months[/b] after weeks of insomnia[b] triggered by baby sleep struggles.  [/b]She tried to go on fmla but her boss forced her to quit instead with threatening action letters because she said she had ‘already taken too much maternity leave.’  This is the society we live in that tells moms they are too big a burden until some moms say ok i get it, I’m worthless, I will just kill my kids and myself.  Which of you who are so disgusted or outraged at her has founght for universal maternity leave? Which of you has lobbied for safe affordable subsidized daycare? Or adequate (first world) maternal medical care?  You are the disgusting ones, desperate to see a public lynching while this very minute there is an exhausted mom in the verge of crisis with no one to turn to.  You are handmaid’s tale characters.  Your righteousness is blasphemy.  [/quote]

This is dumb. You sleep train. Put the baby to bed at 7 and go back in at 6.  That’s all it takes.

That’s why it’s hard for a manager to have empathy for a woman who is voluntarily getting up for a six month old baby.  [/quote]

Yeah I wonder if this plays a role in PPD too. I had a subordinate who was constantly complaining of complete exhaustion but was getting up 3, 4, 5, times a night with a 9+ month old baby (after taking 6 months of maternity leave) because she and her husband didn't let the baby cry, ever, for even a second, for any reason. The baby had never fallen asleep on his own in his entire life. I mentioned to her that we had sleep-trained our kids and they slept 12 hours a night at her baby's age (younger actually) and she looked at me like I was some sort of child abuser. The baby is now over 2 and I still don't think he sleeps well at all and she's still sort of a zombie. [/quote]

Some babies are bad sleepers, even after sleep training.  Some parents don't feel comfortable with sleep training because there is a whole school of thought that sleep training is cruel and gives your child lifelong attachment problems (I don't agree with that, but many many people push that view and tell moms it's cruel to sleep train, including on this board).  In other developed countries parents can take leave for the whole first year and so they have time to work through this stuff.  [b]But here, if you aren't performing at full capacity at work after 12 weeks you are a failure[/b].[/quote]

At many many jobs in the US, it's actually less than 12 weeks. Some jobs don't give any paid parental leave at all so some moms literally have to be back at work days after giving birth. Some jobs (including the job I had when I became a parent) only give 6 weeks leave. For me, only half of that 6 weeks was paid so if I didn't have enough $$ to get by I would've had to go back to work at 3 weeks post partum. Luckily, I had enough $ saved plus a spouse who was working that I could take more time off but many of my co-workers indeed had to return to work at 3 weeks post partum. It's insanity. It's a really terrible system we have here with very little support for parents.[/quote]

Cool.  Well we also earn much much higher salaries than in countries with more leave.  Most people here think if you’re a mom who wants to stay home with kids then you should do that.  But it shouldn’t be funded by taxpayers.

Regardless Lindsay was on month 8 of leave.  That’s not what happened here.  [/quote]

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