Reply to Accomplished woman trying to date after a long marriage - men are drawn primarily to my caregiving abilities

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP again. Just pointing out the obvious but you are probably mostly dating  retired men, they have left the world of work behind or soon will.  So they are much less interested in the professional sphere and are basically looking for a woman who still wants to have sex and will be a nice companion for them.  [/quote]

OP here. That may be true, but their lack of empathy bothers me. They don't seem to recognize that my profession is a big part of my life. There are no questions about how my day was at the office, what my current issues are, what work changes am I grappling with.[/quote]

Are you only now at 50 learning that most men are self-absorbed?[/quote]

So much this^.  OP, it has taken me almost 40 years to realize that the vast majority of men are still stuck in “taker” mode. They expect women to caretake, do all the emotional labor, show up to do what they want to do, perform sexually for them, be available for whatever functions, and contribute financially equally or more, etc.

Frankly, having already raised 2 kids and allowing myself to be squeezed of all value by my exH in the interest of presenting some kind of family for my kids, I have zero interest in being with a man who cannot be a giver and not a taker.  Dating, to me, is about quickly weeding out the guys who are self-absorbed takers who are only interested in being served sexually, emotionally, etc.

You are right to notice and be concerned when you meet a man like this. You are right to be concerned that this seems to be 90% of the men your age or older.  I’m not sure how much better it is at younger ages, but you are wrong to waste any time trying to figure out why men or any particular man is like this. That’s a waste of your valuable energy.  Instead, just, “thank you, next” should be your mantra when you meet someone like this.

Also, I think you are mistaking talking about work as some kind of proxy for intellectual engagement.  Plus, when you’re dating, these are men you really don’t know, so I wouldn’t be sharing any work related info. If you want that kind of intellectual discussion of work and support, get a therapist or a career coach. [/quote]

When you grow a little older PP, you will realize that all men are like this, not just the vast majority. [/quote]

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