Reply to Accomplished woman trying to date after a long marriage - men are drawn primarily to my caregiving abilities

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Most men want a soft woman. Fit, feminine, friendly. Cooperative instead of competitive at home. They don't want a spreadsheet with arms and legs barking orders off the clock. They want a warm human being with empathy and kindness who can put her work away. A good man really doesn't care about your money, because it isn't his money. He knows that his money would be your money but your money wouldn't be his mone in a marriage. So when you talk about your money, it means absolutely nothing to him. He views your career as an impediment to spending real time together, not as a positive selling point.[/quote]

This is so transactional.  It’s all about the man, and wanting her to provide emotional labor without any obligation to reciprocate.  She must be feminine, soft, caring, agreeable, and orbit around him.  There’s nothing about him caring for her, or being interested in her as a person.  Nothing about being curious about her inner life, what makes her tick, and how she spends her days, which for many women is their career.  She’s only there to make him feel good and build him up.

And that’s the crux of the issue OP raised.  Society expects men to put career first and women to put men (and children) first. Who’s putting women first?

OP’s career isn’t a liability.  On the contrary, it serves as a filter to screen out men who want her to make herself smaller so they can feel bigger.[/quote]

OP here. PP, thank you for your insightful post. I agree, it should not be too much to ask of my partner to be interested in what makes me tick, beyond the comfort and companionship that I can and am willing to provide him.[/quote]

It's fine that you're defining yourself by your professional accomplishments. It's a very DC thing to do. But what you don't appear to be hearing is other people generally don't care or are not impressed. Ironically, these are not the things that make you an interesting person. They're just your job. [/quote]

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