Reply to Fiancé wants a church wedding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]BTDT. Clearly you have some options- (1) roll over. They will demand to baptize the kids too, first communion, the whole nine yards. Are you going to be able to stand aside & let them do this, when it is your baby/kid? Try to imagine. Some people can, some can’t. For me, it was out of the question. 2) hold very firm. Will cause problems with the family and your DH will resent you.

As a non religious person who has BTDT with the Catholic relatives and been harped on about religion my whole life I present option 3: take “cover” in some type of liberal church or “church”. A lot of people do this. Find some excuse that you need to be married there and attend there- it is close to your house, you have friends who go there, you love the music program or community service or want to send future kid to their school. Think of something- Literally anything. Get married there, attend services maybe 2 times a year or participate in the volunteer program or whatever. When you have kids do whatever baby blessings or baptism ritual they offer. It provides cover and face saving on the ILs end “welllll at least grand baby is being raised Christian blah blah blah” “wellll at least they are being married in a church” blah blah and your future DH will see it is a compromise. He clearly does not care about religion. Not saying your ILs will exactly love this (they won’t- they want Catholic)- but they will grudgingly accept it.

That is your best choice here…take it from someone who has btdt [/quote]

Why not just do the Catholic in this case? Why go out of your way to be more difficult, if you don't care anyway, to avoid the Catholic rituals? The husband won't want to go along with this farce when he's Catholic and there is a better alternative.[/quote]

Because Catholicism is a LOT and will require her do a lot, and she will have future ILS dictating everything if she caves on this now. Her future DH doesn’t care about religion and just wants to avoid problems with his family.This is a way to do that long term. [/quote]

How so? You're still saying do the baptism, go once or twice a year, volunteer, put on the show. How is that different? Nobody is asking her to convert. Why is that better if it's at the Presbyterian church? And it seems pretty obvious her DH DOES care since he's shocked she doesn't want a church wedding, like he does. Apparently OP has not really talked to him about what he wants at all.[/quote]

No- OP states on page 2 of the thread that “he said we can do a nondenominational church” “wants to appease his family” etc. If that is offered she should most certainly run with it. If it is just for show, it is way easier to do that in a more relaxed church. Anyone with even a passing knowledge of Catholicism could tell you this- the Catholic Church does not make things easy. [/quote]

Please. OP is full of it. Says her husband went to Catholic school and also church "here and there". As if kids in Catholic school don't go to mass weekly or more. And weird that they talked about raising the kids nonreligious but never talked about having a church wedding until after the venue was booked when suddenly he was "shocked" that she didn't want one. Troll.[/quote]

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