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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These horrible scenarios are  not the ones my large adoption network of families encounter. And yes, we are thoroughly vetted, unlike parents  who carry a child directly home from a hospital to a god-knows-what situation.

If any potential adoptive  parent has even considered that their adopted child is any less/different/2nd best/whatever to a biological child, they should not be adopting children.

No child should feel like a "consolation prize" -- and that is on the responsibility of the parent.  It is not up to any adopted child to "prove" they are as desirable as a natural-born one.

My 2 born-in-Asia daughters KNOW they were my first choice .  I never even considered pregnancy.

I know a woman who tried pregnancy, surrogacy, donor egg, -- well, everything -- before "resorting" to adoption.  I hope to god her gorgeous smart now-6-year old daughter never finds out the mom did everything possible not to "have to" adopt.  Some "parents" are just better not being parents.
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And a decent homestudy would explore this dynamic, and weed out such a prospective parent.[/quote]

No it wouldn't.  There has to be something pretty bad to get denied approval of a home study.  That is not reason to deny someone.

Adoption was our first choice.[/quote]

Any qualified adoptions social worker explores whether the adoptive family has "grieved" Plan A, if it was not adoption. They are supposed to have made peace with that and embrace adoption, before they are approved for a child. [/quote]

Some agencies push it, others don't.  We had an issue with one agency who said we had to grieve in their classes and we told them adoption was our first choice so we'd grieve if we couldn't adopt and they were pissed.  You can easily lie and pass a homestudy.  Its a very simple basic process that is just interviews, home check and medical.  Anyone can lie about their feelings to adoption. [/quote]

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