Reply to Should I Accept This Job Offer?

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[quote=Anonymous]I know it's nerve-wracking to ask about this because you don't want to seem undedicated or mommy-tracked, but you're doing nobody any favors by accepting a job that's going to be a bad fit.  I think I would ask, but phrase it in such a way as to make it clear that you are willing to put in the work.  Something like, "I do have a family so most nights I would like to be able to get home in time to put my kids to bed.  I would of course be willing to finish any remaining work from home after they were asleep, and I would be available by phone and email at all times. Does that sound workable?"

You also have to read between the lines of their response, because many places will say they are family-friendly when they're really not, or they don't really understand what family-friendly means.  For example, if the job will entail a good deal of travel or weeknight dinners, there's not much you can do about that, but if it's just a matter of putting in the hours, that can usually be more flexible.  Try to find out exactly what the expectations will be.

And, of course, you need to decide if you really are willing to put in the work.  Your higher salary would enable you to outsource more house chores and get more flexible childcare, but are you OK with that?  Will it make you unhappy to spend less time with your kids, be more frazzled and distracted, on the blackberry during bathtime, etc.?  The tradeoff may be worth it to you for a lucrative, fulfilling position, but you need to take it all into account.  I honestly don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes.

I am a lawyer and I recently switched from a full-time, very demanding position to a part-time, much lower stress one.  I don't really end up spending much more time with my kids, but I am able to keep the house in order, do errands, grocery shopping, etc. and those things make me feel in control of my life in a way that I didn't when I was constantly stressed and frazzled, and that makes me able to enjoy the time with the kids a lot more. But the new job is pretty boring and I mourn the loss of my independent, career-girl self.  Since my old job didn't pay that much and wasn't a perfect fit, it wasn't that hard to leave, but if I was presented right now with a fabulous fulfilling full-time job that paid really well, I think I would probably take it.  But I'm not sure.

I think you need to be honest with yourself about how much your interest in the new job is about the money.  If that's the bulk of your motivation, it's probably not a good fit.  But if you really think you are going to be fulfilled, challenged, and have fun with the new position, you may find a way to make it work.

Good luck!  These issues are never easy.

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