Reply to Any success in not being in charge of everything?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have a baby on the way and this is the dynamic???

Get into couples therapy NOW. I'm not joking. This board is littered with wives who do everything and then complain about their husbands who just sit there waiting to be told what to do. I think there's a thread now ("Tired of being the grown-up" or something like that) where it's clear that the wife/mother of a 3 yr old is done and considering divorce.

This will not go away because you made some "tweak" you read about on a forum. This will take a significant effort on BOTH your parts. Like everything else in your marriage, it can't be directed by you. That's why you need a professional to assist with this change. [/quote]

Op here - I agree this is dramatic.  Most of my friends are also in this situation with kids and while it's eye rolling and annoying, it's not marriage ending (in their and my cases).  I'm sure I contribute to it too - so what I'm asking is how people break this dynamic that is so common.  What can I do differently that [b]forces him to start thinking about this things and not just show up.[/b][/quote]

Stop doing certain things that don't matter.  You have to prioritize.  Sometimes things won't be perfect or well thought out.  If you want them to be then you need to do them.

It stinks but it's a common dynamic.  Men get used to taking orders so that's their default.  You're the new mommy.  Tell him to pack a lunch and he will.  But tell him not to pack a lunch and there won't be a lunch.

Here are a few suggestions. Don't plan food for post labor.  When he asks you what's for dinner repeat the question back to him.  Do the same thing night after night.  Get him in the habit of having to think about what's for dinner.  Do the same thing with house cleaning.  Don't let the house miraculously clean itself (meaning you or a cleaner).  Don't make the bed.  Don't do the laundry.  See how long it takes for him to notice the mess.  It will be frustrating but he will notice.  When he notices asks him what you should do anout the mess.  See what he says.  You can also take a similar approach to the first holiday together.  Don't plan where you're going or who you're seeing.  When he asks about Christmas plans respond back to him again with a question.

In terms of vacations and social plans not sure what to tell you.  It's really hard to find a man who wants to plan your social life and vacations.  I'm not sure I'd even want that.  [/quote]

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