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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So every year, we've invited all the kids.  It is expensive and lot of work, but I didn't want to exclude anyone.  Well now, my kid is at the age where no one is doing the invite everyone thing.  Most people invite only a few close friends and that's it.  And my kid goes to many fewer parties.  That's okay.

I wanted to again do the invite the whole class party.  My kid and I argued.  My kid wanted only the close friends.  So we limited it down to friends and friendly kids.  The kids who were not invited are not my kids friends, they don't invite my kid to anything and in fact they don't interact at all in school with each other the times I've seen, not even saying hi when they pass in the halls (I'm a school volunteer).  So I thought well, it's not that bad to not invite them, right?  They're having parties and not inviting my kid.  Is it fair to force my kid to invite kids who don't include my kid in any way?  So we didn't.  And we choose a party more suited to a smaller headcount (one that was pricey with each additional child and also logistically difficult/borderline unsafe with larger groups).

But then some kids pressured my kid into inviting them...asking him if they are invited, telling him they want to be invited.  And so my kid invited them. One mom texted me to ask if her kid was really invited as he was verbally invited.   What to do? I invited the kids that were verbally "invited."   So with the original invited people and the verbally invited kids, the numbers of noninvited kids became really small.  And it felt mean not to include them.  But, the party day was fast approaching, we were already way over budget and supervising more kids would be logistically nightmarish and possibly unsafe.  And one of the noninvited kids is sometimes violent (pushing, hitting, swearing).  So I told my kid to stop inviting any more people.

And now I feel guilty.  So some of the noninvited are new kids, so maybe they would have become friends with my kid in time.  One kid is the violent kid.  And the other kid is a nice kid who has known my kid for many years and is just not compatiable with my kid in any way; has never invited my kid to anything ever.

Our party is a cool party and so those not going probably do feel bad (not because they thought my kid was their friend but rather because they missed out on a cool party).  So anyhow I feel bad.  We're not local so it's not your kid that wasn't invited, just wanted to get this off my chest.

It's all done. There's no advice that I'm seeking.  I just want to say that if your kid is one of the few that isn't invited, it's not necessarily because the bday family is doing it on purpose.[/quote]

Is your kid always in charge in your house?[/quote]

No, generally  But as it is his birthday celebration, we do want to do something that makes him happy.[/quote]

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