Reply to Advice please: DD told a friend she is bi

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a bi person who still has not come out to her (extremely judgmental) family, I would not.  Trust me, someone who is nervous about coming out is already going to be listening with extra attention to any mention of lesbians, bisexual people, etc.  This is HER life journey, not yours.  So let her decide how she wants it to go.  The only thing you should do is say (and don't make it weird or be obvious that you are doing it) how perfect of a couple Ellen and Portia are, or "Did you see Kristen Stewart and St Vincent are dating?  Man, they make a beautiful couple" etc.  Create the environment where there is NO DOUBT that you will be accepting of it.  But don't come straight out and bring it up to her.  She may not even be ready for that or sure that she is bi.  Sexuality is something that is not always black and white.  She may think she's bi now and realize that she is actually straight later, or a lesbian.  Thats her path.  A lesbian friend of mine in her 60s says figuring out desire and the journey of sexuality is something she is still surprised at, even at her age, on a daily basis (which is really kind of beautiful).  Give your DD the space where she feels safe, but she might not want to label herself yet (or ever!).  Just create an environment where she feels she doesn't have to worry about your disapproval and you will be doing her a great service. [/quote]

Thank you! Yes, that is my instinct -- to let her figure this out without labels until she is ready for one (if ever). I am always very inclusive in how I talk about her dating in the abstract (and was long before this), and have never assumed either of my kids will be heterosexual. I have too many friends who went through the other side of that, and my own father was gay or bi (not discovered until after his death, so no chance to talk about it). So this is something I have thought a lot about and I have tried to be very thoughtful of my language around this topic.

As for how I saw the text, it's hard to convey here, but she would not see that as snooping. She may well be embarrassed to know I saw it, but she does not view me checking in on her phone as a violation of her privacy. It's something we talk openly about, the phone charges in my bedroom at night, and she even occasionally asks me to download music or movies for her after she goes to bed (obviously knowing I have to access the phone to do so). Still, I agree that just because I have her permission to view the phone, it doesn't mean I can or should bring up something like this.

I really appreciate hearing your experience and advice. I'll continue with the inclusive language and look for non-weird/obvious ways to underscore my acceptance of all types of relationships. We do watch Ellen every afternoon together!  :) [/quote]

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