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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you've got strength in the backbone you've built up so count on that instead of focusing on the weakness that could undermine it. You're a different person than you were when you first got married, so waste no time worrying about what happened back then and you'll find you're better equipped to just face forward.

Both my husband's parents were dead before I met him and his large, extended family is close enough to see on occasion but still too far to be of help. I envy young parents who have this essential resource, so maybe there are opportunities in this move you're not seeing yet. Find your allies - the ones that exist within your family and new ones to be made - by establishing trust along with the boundaries you're setting. If there's one thing you don't have time for, it's the two-way second guessing that happens based on DIStrust. Move the boundaries closer in once you know where the trust lies.

Your MIL may not be able to handle the new you, but you can definitely set boundaries that still allow her to be a part of your lives. Find your own childcare, but look for ways she can help. Establish yourself as decionmaker, but call on her to take care of grandkid while you get weekend errands done or have a date night. Give her a role in celebrations. Ask her advice (you don't have to take it) on something she's managed well. If you have no idea what that might be, use every opportunity to get to know her better and look for the positives. Allow her to get to know YOU better so she has a better grasp of what your boundaries are and just what things you can and will manage on your own.

But these are your boundaries that you're setting, so don't rely on your husband to stand as gatekeeper. That's just more opportunity for miscommunication and hurt feelings.  You're outnumbered in an established family unit, and you don't want your in laws to see you as shut off. That doesn't mean you have to accept whatever mistreatment they throw at you, it just means you have to show them they've only got  a very limited number of times they can make that mistake. Those are the times when you can fall back on your allies and push your boundaries further out, if necessary. [/quote]

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