Reply to Convincing women that they need to have sex with their husbands

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Actually, I think encouraging women to use sex as some sort of carrot is just as sexist and misogynist as telling women to put up and shut up.

My view is this:  Sex is a part of marriage.  If you are upset with your spouse and don't want to have sex, then you need to figure out how to resolve that.  If it can't be resolved and if you don't foresee ever wanting to have sex with your spouse, then you should divorce or agree to an open marriage.  This goes for men and women.

It's manipulative to use sex as some sort of punishment or reward.

No, no one should feel forced to have sex.  But if you don't want to have sex with your spouse, you shouldn't be married to him/her.  If you are staying married for the kids or for some economic reason, then you should at the least allow for an open marriage.  [/quote]

No one is saying anyone should use sex as a carrot.  What they are saying is that women should be able to listen to THEIR OWN SEXUAL DESIRES including the desire not to have sex.  That that urge is totally valid, and totally important.  Particularly in situations where someone has hurt the woman- of course she's not going to want to sleep with them.

God.  [b]Just once I would love that when people talk about sex it was not centered around the male perspective[/b] [/quote]

It's actually sexist for you to assume that believing sex is an important part of marriage is the "male perspective."  If my husband stopped having sex with me and expressed to me that he has no desire to have sex with me, that would be a problem.  If he was unwilling to try to resolve that problem, I'd want a divorce.

There is nothing "male-centric" about the position that a sexless marriage is a problem, especially if one spouse still has desire and the other does not.  Something has to give.  I would never advise a woman to have sex if she doesn't want to.  I would never advise a man to have sex if he doesn't want to.  But if you don't see a resolution, then you should split or reach some sort of an agreement about an open marriage.  No spouse should force another spouse to live indefinitely without sex.  That's just as controlling and manipulative as telling a spouse you're not going to have sex with him/her, but she/he is not allowed to pursue their sexual desire outside of the marriage.

I saw the thread about the woman forcing herself to have sex with her husband, and it was horrible.  At that point, get a divorce or give your spouse permission to have an affair.

If someone has hurt the woman so badly that she doesn't want to sleep with them, then they really shouldn't stay together.  [/quote]

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