Reply to Need to vent: My parents don't show up.

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Need to vent: My parents don't show up."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
What you need to figure out is WHY they are like this, because it may be the only way you're going to give yourself some closure.

This is what I'm trying to do for my mother. She is hyper anxious, has social phobias, can only relax if I prioritize her above all else, etc etc, the list goes on. I'm realizing that she's a really messed up person, that's it's not her fault, that she's never going to get better and that I should work around her foibles as best I can.
[/quote]

Can you tell me more?  Are you at peace with her?  Are you able to still have a relationship with her and interact with her without anger and resentment?  I really wish I could get there.[/quote]

What saves our relationship is that I know she loves me dearly, I can feel it. It's a crooked love, but whatever. 
She still drives me crazy, but much less than before, even though she's gotten worse, because I've gotten wiser :-) 
I've learned to step back and let most of her stupid knee-jerk reactions and comments go. I see now they all come from a place of stunted emotional and psychological growth, and a lot of fear, for some reason. Now she's older, our relationship has subtly changed because of that too - it's almost as if I'm cutting her some slack just because I perceive her to be elderly and therefore beyond the reach of improvement. She's actually not that old (66), but her mental and physical health issues have always pushed her toward the old lady stage.
So I do have a relationship with her. Most people looking in would say it's an affectionate one, because they don't see me grinding my teeth and banging my head against the wall after I hang up or after she leaves my house. The secret for me is not to trigger her main anxiety inducements, never engage when she goes off the rails, always think before saying something out loud.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics