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[quote=Anonymous]Having just a small family gathering for our son's birthday this weekend.  And I find out through a family member that they decided they aren't coming, just sending some cash.  I'm just SAD. Really, really sad.

I mean, I get it.  They don't feel comfortable driving 1.5 hours to visit us.  But it's just been this lifelong thing.  And as I look around at my friends who have completely capable parents who actually show up, want to see their grandchildren, are able to babysit, and actually help, I just feel sad that I don't have that.

Maybe I'm acting entitled.  I know they don't owe me any help, visits, babysitting, or any of that.  In my culture, we are supposed to take care of our parents as they age.

But when I see everyone else with helpful parents, the resentment starts to eat away at me, because it's been a lifelong dynamic.  Financially, they supported me - they fully paid for my college, and they always give me cash on birthdays and christmas (never gifts).  But beyond that... I don't even have a relationship with them.  They don't even know me.  They still think of me as a child.  We can't even talk, because they are really critical or really anxious.

I don't even bother inviting them to things like our daughter's dance recitals, plays, or grandparents day at school, because I know they hate that stuff.  They hated it when I was a kid too.  They missed most, and only came to the required ones begrudgingly, while complaining all the time.  They just are not into kids and kid stuff.

They make me shop for all the kids birthday and christmas gifts, wrap it for them, bring it to their house secretly, so that they can give it to the kids.  But then they don't even hand the gifts to them.  I do it.  They hate hate hate shopping for gifts, which I kind of get.  But why make me do the work, just give cash and be done with it.

Vent over.  Thank you for listening.[/quote]

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