Reply to Three months after I discover he cheated and this is what he says

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH went to give me a hug today and we did hug, briefly. I guess because I didn't kiss him he asked "how's the forgiveness coming?" I was immediately furious that he would even ask this. He then said "you know we won't be able to move forward until you do." THIS is his main concern? I hate him. I really do. [/quote]

He's right, but he's missing a crucial step.  He's missing the part where he has to give you time to forgive, and he has to earn your trust and forgiveness.  He is the one who has to be patient and try to make amends for this betrayal.  It might take a long time, I've heard two years is the average, so he will need to be strong for you.  If he can't, you should definitely consider leaving.  Think about what is good for you.  If he can't wait for you, he's not worth it.  It's only been three months.

FWIW, my husband was also kind of like this.  After the affair and my discovery, he said he didn't feel like we were connecting because I was distant, and he was not happy.  For once, I stood up for myself and told him it was he who needed to work to get me back, not the other way around.  That I was not going to be able to be super lovey dovey and adoring until I felt safe.  He continued saying crappy things to me for months and, maybe after ten months, a lightbulb went off and he understood, finally.  I don't know if we can make it work, but at least he has finally found true remorse and understands that my feelings of distrust and insecurity are justified.

Are you in individual counseling? If not, try it, it really helped me and allowed me to stop being such a doormat.[/quote]

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