Reply to Help Needed for 12 YO - Out of Control/Defiant

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Little background on our situation.

12 YO DS (13 in a few weeks) has become extremely difficult to deal with the past year or so. He is defiant to both parents (no to everything, f**k you, bi**H, etc.).  He has also become violent at times by destroying property (iphone, xbox, ripped screens from house, etc).  He has also been looking at pron on the computer (a lot-possible addiction), asking girls to send him nude pics, and stealing our credit card to order things on line. Police have been called to the house twice (non-emergency number). He now refuses to go to CCD, has quit soccer, and lately refusing to go to some basketball (which we thought he loved).  We do not suspect any alcohol or drugs.

He does not display any of these traits either at school, with friends or any coaches of his teams.  He is well liked by everyone and has many friends and makes friends easily.  Other parents always comment how nice and courteous he is when they interact with him. We discussed with his school counselor and received some feedback that he was talkative in class but never to the point of being disruptive.  Never any incidents from the school with other students. He has managed to maintain decent grades (A's and B's).

We have taken nearly everything away from him - no phone, limited access to computer (only homework and supervised), no tv, etc.

We started having him see a psychologist at the end of last school year and continued for most of the summer. It turned out she was not very effective and was a complete waste of time.  We moved him to a male psychologist at the start of this school year.  He has been to him 3 times and refused to go 2 times.  The psychologist has not had enough time with to make a diagnosis but is perplexed by the behavior not showing itself anywhere except at home with parents and not even with sister.  He claims he doesn't need any help and that we do. We offered him group sessions with all of his, which he also refused to attend.

Things have been escalating with each incident and we fear he is a ticking time bomb.  He is now refusing to go to counseling.  We are really at a loss on how to handle getting him the help that we think he needs. It is really tearing our family apart.

Any insight on how to handle?[/quote]

Oppositional defiance disorder - I would have considered anxiety as the cause (and still wouldn't rule it out if there has been some trauma or unreported bullying), but the stealing, computer misuse, etc. cause me to think this is ODD probably worsened/ caused by adolescent hormones. 
The whole family will need to be in therapy to deal with it. ODD requires specific, consistent behavioral interventions. Read the website Empowering Parents.[/quote]

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