Reply to Help Needed for 12 YO - Out of Control/Defiant

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need FAMILY therapy.  There may or may not be a separate issue with your son -- but you need to closely and humbly consider your role as parents as well.  If you're only seeing this behavior at home, then you need to look to all possible causes before you create an "identified patient."

It sounds like you're locked in a punitive, confrontational cycle with him.  How exactly to you expect him to be a pleasant member of the family when you've basically turned your home into a prison for him?  (No TV, no phone, no computer).  Obviously you have to set limits and impose consequences; but you can't expect to make his homelife miserable and have him act happy at home.

You desperately need counseling FOR YOURSELVES to learn productive ways of dealing with him.  I STRONGLY recommend reading the Alan Kazdin books.[/quote]

And geez, stop calling the police on your own child, WTF!  You are really floundering as parents and need serious help.  If you think he's an imminent danger to self or others that's one thing.  But don't call the cops on your own flesh and blood if he's just having a temper tantrum.  You need professional support ASAP to come up with more productive ways of dealing with your child. [/quote]

It is more then a temper tantrum. His therapist told us we need to call the police when he gets violent and physical, which he did. He smashed my iphone, threw a table at DH and ripped screens out of the windows.  The second time DS called 911, they called back and sent someone out.  
It's easy for you to sit there and judge and think we are bad parents[/quote]

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