Reply to MILs only -- and only if you do not like your DIL -- why?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP again.  I do think that there is a generational thing here.  Our modern husbands don't have as much time for their mothers because they do help a lot more in the house.  And, while they do not "wait" on us hand and foot, that probably is the perspective of our MILs, since my husband cooks dinner half the time, does the dishes half the time, does the laundry half the time, deals with the pets half the time.

I know I work, my DH works, and we both help out equally in the house and with the kids.  Sometimes he's on a work trip, and I'm doing 100% and sometimes I'm on a work trip, and he's doing 100% but more or less, we do a great 50/50 split.  DH used to visit his mom every month at least and probably call her 2-3 times a week before me.  Well, we don't have a weekend every month anymore for ourselves, let alone for his mom -- the kids are in Sunday School every Sunday and Saturdays are soccer, birthday parties, and every once in a while, a little family time for a hike or a movie.

When we do have time to visit his mom, she babies him and it's seriously disruptive for our marriage. She insists that he sits down while she puts me to "work" doing dishes.  She stocks the fridge with pumpkin pie and cheap deli meats that he likes and then she talks about how I don't feed him enough and make him work too hard.  So, now we visit her even less.  When she visits, she complains that her son is doing too much work in the house and I'm not doing a good job "taking" care of him. So we invite her over less and less.

I can see how the relationship has spiraled downhill because our generational gap created different expectations.

I also think the same can be said about parenting.  Yes, she did raise multiple children, all who are well-adjusted adults, but a lot of the stuff she did back then just isn't the current standards (like she insists that our toddler is "chubby" and should be drinking non-fat milk, but all the current research shows that fat is essential for brain development). She did raise my husband very well, but she doesn't seem to realize that this is my turn.

And, she constantly compares me to her other DILs -- all of whom she says are better and nicer to her.   So, that definitely pisses me off.  It's like a game of favorites that parents would never play with their children, but with their DILs, they think that's okay.  I am the most opinionated DIL, plus I'm the Democrat (they are all conservative), but I hate drama, too.  It's weird -- from my side, it seems like MIL is causing all the drama, but now I see that from her side, I'm the one causing all it.

What am I to do?  The only thing that would make her happy is if I became a doormat, DH visited her and called her a lot and left me as a second choice, and I waited on DH hand and foot.  Obviously, that ain't happening.  I'm not leaving my husband and kids, so I guess we're at an impasse.

I understand her a little better, though, now.[/quote]

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