Reply to soccer practice melt-downs - DD jealous when I show attention to any other kid

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] For this season, though, I would talk to your child before the next practice about how you understand why she feels jealous and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way, but that she can't act it out during the practice because it's not fair to the rest of the team, and because you're not allowed, as the coach, to only pay attention to her. I would then also let her know that you're not going to stop practice if she's not doing what she's supposed to do, she'll have to sit on the sideline and watch until she's ready to rejoin the group. And then follow through -- any disruption gets a simple "Jane, please move to the sideline until you're ready to join the group," and then you turn back to the rest of the players. If she doesn't move, reorient practice on the field so that she's not in the way, but don't give her more attention. If she decides to rejoin and cooperate, welcome her back warmly and then focus on the whole group. On the way home from practice, though, take time to talk to her about the things she did well, how much better she's gotten at X, what she thought of how the practice went, etc. Things that will signal to her that you really were paying attention to her, and that you value hearing what she thinks too.

Once she adjusts to being part of your team, you might find the behavior settles down and coaching her can be a really positive thing. If that doesn't happen, there's really no shame in deciding it's not the right fit for your family, and then you can go back to focusing on her from the sidelines.[/quote]

OP here.  This is exactly what I have tried to do thus far, right down to the same language, discussions in the car afterward, praise and rewards for good behavior, etc.  Despite this, DD's behavior has gotten progressively worse each week. Yesterday, she was so negative and sad that she physically felt ill - complaining of headache and stomach ache in the car ride home, both of which magically went away within 30 minutes of getting home (during which time, I left the kids to my DH and hid in my room for a little mom time-out).

Thanks so much for all of the replies. I'm going to try a few new things and talk to her tonight now that we are a bit more removed from the practice and still have a few days left before our next game. I'm planning to have a rational discussion with her tonight about her feelings as well as my responsibility as a coach and discuss her options (participate versus sit out) and the consequences of each.  She responds well to logic, so I'm hopeful that this appeal to reason will be helpful and will also demonstrate that I'm listening and empathizing with her, but that the poor behavior cannot continue.  I'm also throwing in a bribe - if she participates in practice next week, she and I will have dinner alone together after practice.  We have 3 weeks left in the season, so we'll see if things can improve or if we just have to hang in there until the end.

I also deeply appreciate the empathy - I have been taking this really hard, so it's nice for the wake up call that some of this is is normal and not a harbinger of doom for our future relationship. I know that I'm more sensitive to normal mother-daughter issues given my own experience, so it helps to hear an outside perspective.  Truly, thank you all for your responses.   [/quote]

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