Reply to soccer practice melt-downs - DD jealous when I show attention to any other kid

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[quote=Anonymous]DD is in 1st grade and I volunteered to coach the school soccer team. It's a pretty big commitment, especially since I work full time and have to carve out time for weekly practice, but I thought it would be a great way for me to actively participate in a school activity, spend quality time with DD, get to know her friends, classmates and the other parents. So, while I'm getting to know classmates and parents well and I'm having fun playing soccer with the kids, the situation with my DD is AWFUL.  She has been moping around practice, laying on the ground on the sidelines, refusing to participate, occasionally getting tearful, complaining of headache, etc. I've tried to generally ignore the bad behavior, focus on the positive and fun, and praise the heck out of her when she starts to participate, but it's not helping - if anything, her behavior is getting worse. Finally, in the car home yesterday she admitted in a teeny tiny voice that she doesn't like it when I pay attention to the other kids.

I'm impressed that she is so self-aware and that she was brave enough to tell me what the problem is, but I am at a loss as to how to handle it. I've explained that when we are at practice or the game, I can't just be DD's Mom I also have to be Team Coach at the same time. Also, I was honest and told her how disappointed I was that she wasn't participating because the whole reason I signed up to coach is so that I could spend time with her, and that I will be able to pay a lot more attention to her when she's participating with the group. What else can I do?

I already give much more attention to DD than I do to DD#2, so much so that I'm worried I am damaging DD#2.  But DD#1 is a really sensitive kid and is so much more needy. I thought I was doing a good thing by coaching her team, but apparently it's having just the opposite effect. I actually lost it myself last night after she went to bed - I feel like no matter what I do, somehow I'm just failing in her eyes.  (Full disclosure, I had a pretty terrible relationship with my own mother, so I obviously have a lot of baggage and trying to negotiate the mother-daughter relationship with a sensitive kid without a good model of my own is really stressful). Anyway,  I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO HANDLE THIS.  Any and all advice is welcome. Thanks.

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