Reply to Wits end with 8 year old daughter- ADD or NMA (needs more attention)

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you can make an appointment to talk to the doctor about your child without the child present. I have done it a couple of times when I didn't want the child to be listening in.

I have one child with ADHD and another who probably has it. We haven't had him evaluated yet because he has lots of friends, is advanced academically, and does well at school. (He is 9.) But he has every other red flag imaginable: is dangerously impulsive, never stops moving, talking, interrupting, and had other delays as a younger kid that are consistent with adhd. Just adding my story because people who say that if the child is fine at school, it isn't adhd, really don't know. Your child is so young and there are so many factors... maybe your child does much better in a very structured environment and therefore more easily follows rules at school; maybe child is a people pleaser; maybe child has social awareness to not want to get in trouble, and so on. Even if these are the case, it can be exhausting for kids like this to make a huge effort at school and sometimes they really let lose at home--like all kids do, just even more! That's what I find with my nine-year-old. We aren't going to medicate him for how non-stop crazy he is at home, but we'll revisit if the demands at school or socially get to be too much and affect him in more areas.

Whether it is or isn't ADHD in your case, I think a lot of kids benefit from having rules and expectations simplified and made crystal clear. With some kids, you really do need to repeat your expectations every single day in every situation. I think as parents, we have to forget our kid's age and what we WISH child would do and meet the kid where she or he is maturity-wise. I find that if I say "We use gentle hands with the baby. We speak softly at the dinner table. We don't kick the soccer ball in the house..." BEFOREHAND behavior improves a lot. It is pretty basic stuff but you think you don't need it with an older child--but maybe you do.

Also, you might need to add little motivators or rewards for good behaviors until they become a habit. When you come in from school, you put shoes away and hang up coat, get out important papers, and THEN you can have snack.

My kids are very comforted and helped by orderliness and consistency. It can be hard to create habits with them but once we do, they are actually very good about following them. [/quote]

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