Reply to Husband being stressed out, stressing me out, everything getting worse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He might be feeling anxious about you as you face surgery, but it's coming out as frustration rather than sympathy.  It's hard.  I would just try to find a time when you don't have other stuff going on, and say-"I feel like we have been really stressed and short with each other.  I really appreciate that you are taking on extra stuff while I have my surgery.  Can we try to reset and let go of some of the negative feelings."

And when things are a little calmer, it may be time to set the expectations for your kids higher and get them to step up-6 and 8 year old should be able to do that (barring special needs or gladiator sandals).[/quote]

+1
It is times like this that you should work to bond as a team -- both you and your spouse as well as with the kids .  You can divide and conquer, but taking the "everyone for themselves" approach/attitude is not the way to go.  I also agree that the kids need to step up as well -- at their own level of course, but including them in the preparations and allowing them to help care for you and/or help daddy will be empowering for them and might make them less stressed or confused about what is going on with you.

Maybe a small gesture would help set a better tone with your DH?  Here is what I would do -- I would find a moment when we were alone and ask my DH for a hug... let him know that I am stressed and anxious about the surgery and recovery, and that I am feeling frantic because I just want to help set things up so that it won't be so crushing for everyone when I am not able to help.  I would let him know that I am so thankful that he and the kids will be there for me as I go through this -- and that he in particular is stepping up in a big way -- re-arranging his schedule to be home while I recover, arranging for his mom to help, taking over kids duties and helping me recover -- all while continuing to keep his full time job duties.  It's a lot, and that even though for certain things might feel crazy these next few weeks, I am certain that we will all make it through because we are together.  This kind of thing helps a lot in my relationship.

Anyway, thinking about you and hope that your surgery is successful and that the recovery is smooth... who knows, your husband might gain a new appreciation for all that you do, you might just find your MIL to be amazingly loving and helpful AND your kids might finally learn to tie their shoes fast!  Focus on your recovery and ask for what you need.... and let your husband take care of the rest... he may not do things the way you would -- but that is OK... he'll step up in his own way.[/quote]

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