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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Really what you guys are describing is becoming whole and secure with yourselves. Once you do that, it's a whole lot easier to let the little stuff (and the big stuff) roll off your back.

Of course, the question is...how to become secure and whole.[/quote]

I don't agree with this.  PP here.  Everyone who knows me will tell you I was a more secure person, a more independent person before I got involved with DH.  My DH had emotional and phyiscal abuse as a child and he does not have a great family support system.  Actually, I have seen/corresponded with more of his family in recent years than he has.  Our problem is that he doesn't return basic pleasantries. He doesn't thank me for anything, he doesn't acknowledge my feelings at all (he wants to know why I have any feelings at all), and he doesn't do anything around our house and barely anything with our 4 yo DD.  I was raised differently, when I visit family and when I talk to other people, it is different.  We say words like "thank you" and "sorry."  He also seems to do things intentionally to piss me off.  I will share something and he will 3 seconds later do that exact thing I asked him not to do.

We all look to folks to validate our feelings.  Looking to someone who can't empathize to validate feelings is demoralizing in the worst way.  Not caring about his reaction or his feelings is the only way to make it through a marriage like this.[/quote]

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