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[quote=Anonymous]NP here.  I read the book "how to save your marriage without talking about it" and had several years of therapy to come to the same place as the OP of this thread.  I am about to click over 15 yrs married, after letting go of getting mad at or caring what DH thought.   He's not a bad guy, and I just decided one day to turn back into my marriage, do my best, and not get caught up in the passive aggressive drama my DH would create.  OK, dude, if you only want to wash the dishes you dirtied, ok, but I am not doing your dishes and I will do my dishes on my schedule.  I will clean the house on my schedule, and if you have a lower dirt tolerance than me, great, you clean the house.  You aren't going to come to bed until 3am, OK, but if DC has a nightmare, she'll be in our bed instead of me in hers, because I don't have anyone to share a bed with anyway.

Not falling prey to the anger and frustration of not having the husband I want, I am letting my husband be who he is and living my life to satisfy me, and he can deal with it.  I stop trying to please him and please myself within the bounds of self-respect and respecting him.  It's working for us, particularly since one of our kids is struggling and DH and I are having to work together to help her.

Don't let him get to you, and enjoy what you have.  Or get divorced.  But don't live in the limbo of wanting something different than you have.  That is toxic.[/quote]

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