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[quote=Anonymous]A poster asked me to start a thread on my experience (it was a "should I divorce" question). Here's my comment. PP, if you'd like to ask, I'm happy to talk more about my experience. It's interesting (to me) and sort of turned what I spent the first 7 years of marriage on its end.

OP I was in your situation. I didn't divorce, but I did have an ah ha moment in my marriage. I just don't care what my husband thinks. He's entitled to his opinions, views, etc. But they no longer have any bearing how I feel. It actually came out during our last major fight ten years ago. He said something awful to me. And you know what I did? I laughed. I laughed, called his opinion moronic and told him I didn't care what he thought about it. And then went to bed.

I think the thing that screwed me up was that I was in this cycle where DH would do/say something awful, I would get hurt, and the cycle would continue. Now, I expect a basic level of politeness and I think we both do a good job about that. But I don't get defensive when he complains (and he's a complainer). I have a big space in my head where I put those thoughts into the not my problem box. Part of it obviously was that I loved him and desperately wanted his approval. I am fond of DH but I don't care about what he thinks anymore. It's a wall of sorts and if you think marriage should be 100 percent intimacy with no emotional boundaries my plan won't work for you.

The upside is that we are both dedicated parents, didn't go through the financial hit of divorce, and I enjoy his company. Strangely, when I stopped caring, I noticed the good things and DH actually began stepping up and being more thoughtful.

Anyway, it's counter-intuitive, but you might want to give it some thought.

PP, I am a pp on this thread. Please start a new thread and tell me more about this. I would love to hear more about it. I am trying to get there. I've had this ah-ha moment, but I get roped back in. I want an AMA with you.

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