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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi everyone,
Just want to say thanks for listening to start.
I have posted in the family relationships board before about my in laws..mother/father in law and brother/sister in law.  They are hispanic. I am not..  They are the main source of conflict in my marriage.
I am having a very difficult time with my marriage and working through my anger and resentment at these people.  Brother in law is downright mean and ugly to me.  Sister in law takes advantage of whomever she can.  Mother in law is a very passive person...and husband tries to keep the peace.
We have three young children and are of course very stressed. . I am feeling so depressed and stuck, because I have so much resentment at my husband about how much money he gives my in laws and the fact that he very lamely stands up for me when his family is icky.  I understand he is in an uncomfortable situation....however I feel like I am never going to get him 100% on my side as a true husband.  It feels like him on one side halfway with his family, and me on my own, getting angry about things.
My husband doesn't question me about my spending.  I really appreciate this, because I do my best to be frugal...however, he gives and gives to his family for things that they should be responsible for, because he doesn't want to see them uncomfortable.   Of course, who does want to see their parents uncomfortable?  But feeling like the money I make goes to them for their dumb financial decisions because he is the oldest, responsible one, is making me so so so resentful and I don't even want to be married anymore.  Thanks for listening and advice.[/quote]

First-generation minorities tend to be very indebted to family and to help each other out. Do you think your husband got to where he was on his own? You're lucky he loves them.

Anyway, my father is not the oldest amongst his siblings but he is the oldest of those currently residing in the US. As such he feels he has a responsibility to watch over them and guide them - i.e. job network, getting their first apartment/home, exploring possibilities for family etc. He has sent money home to his family abroad for more than two decades. I never asked him how much. I never had to. Because he always put his immediate family first. When he sent a 12-year-old toyota 4Runner overseas for the extended cousins to use, he bought a new Porsche for my mom to drive. When I went to private school in the States, he made sure my cousins had small business loans to open up a shop in their home city.

It's about balance. You should talk to your husband and let him know your concerns. But know that as long as he is putting his immediate family first, he will always take care of his extended family as well. Just how it is.

P.S. - You can USE those connections as well. The Tia he gave a $500 loan so she can make her rent payment, ask her to babysit your three kids for a nice holiday for you and your husband. His nephew who he gave back child support to, make that kid mow your lawn. If any of those people have small businesses, usually its a quid pro quo deal (you're expected to use their services) but they will also give you free stuff to make up for the money your husband shared. Learn the lingo chica. [/quote]

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