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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you need to take a deep breath.  None of this will be fixable if you are angry.  I am not saying you are wrong, but I know from personal experience leading with anger won't get you anywhere.

You need to speak with you husband.  Your nuclear family needs to be first, not his parent.  He married you and had kids, and that's when his parents became second to his nuclear family's needs.

I will say you sound like you are seeing everything as a slight right now.  At this point, it might be better for you to send your husband and kids over to meet the in-laws, etc., and you stay home or go out with friends.  Let the appearance of "just carrots" be his to deal with and not yours.

As for the money, others have said it.  You need your account, a joint account and his account.  You both should directly deposit the bulk of your income into the joint account which is used for only specific purposes.  If you don't trust him to hold to specific purposes, keep you money in your own account so he will have to use the joint money or his money to pay bills.  I'd even suggest skimming some out of the joint account into a separate account or cash if you suspect he is paying too much for the in-laws.  Keep the money safe.  It'll give you a feeling of control.

You might be just better just telling him he has a budget for his parents and he cannot go over it.  If they have a big expense, he can only top out at the budgeted amount or roll over excess from previous months.  He can tell his parents to ask his brother if there is nothing left in the budget.

You need to step away and decide to ignore what they think about you.   If/when they start showing better behavior, you can consider seeing them again.  Your husband can explain why you aren't there, down to, "you have treated her badly."

Good luck.[/quote]

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