Reply to Got with and married to dh young, now struggling with missing out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi everyone, I'm in desperate need of advice from others who have been in my or similar shoes. Dh and I have been together since we were 18 (now late 30s). We have a decent relationship and wonderful kids (still very young), good careers, etc... [b]But we don't have passion. I don't know if I ever felt that kind of passion for him[/b], but I also had a nonexistent sex drive that I did my best to compensate for many years. Well now in my late 30s and off the pill it's like a sexual reawakening, and I feel like a teenage boy sometimes with how I think about sex. But I am [b]struggling to feel this toward dh[/b]... I was recently away for work and connected with someone in a way I haven't before. [b]It felt SO hard walking away from that feeling like I might never feel that again[/b]. I love my kids but [b]long for a different relationship[/b] if I'm being totally honest. And yet, dh would for sure be a great catch for most. He's kind, fit, devoted and loving. But he is very serious, doesn't easily laugh with me, we differ politically, and he is hard to please so I'm often walking on eggshells. Sometimes he is stifling and I just need an escape. Anyhow, I know there isnt a perfect answer here but I am struggling to act normally and just long for that true connection and sexual desire that I never quite had with dh... Has anyone ever had luck bringing that into the marriage? Dh is not open to counseling of any sort, though I would alone.[/quote]

Wow - did I write this?

Prepare for onslaught of haters, OP (though you seem to be in good company so far). Unfortunately, I have no real advice, except to say that you're not alone, and that it absolutely [i]sucks[/i] to feel this way. It's exhausting, having to face it every day, the feeling of loss. But you soldier on, trying to find ways to connect, to feel better. And the danger of connecting with someone else, even for a moment ... It's like a kind of emotional heroin, an awakening of something so powerful, so real and authentic, that you can't really imagine living without it ever again.

I've thought about counseling, but never seriously entertained it, because at the end of the day, it's about making it work. And that's what I'm already doing. And so that's what my relationship is: work. Sex happens - because it feels good to have sex. My children are beautiful. My life, for the most part, is just fine. #Gratitude. #Blessed. So I'll never feel complete. There are worse things, right?

[i]Right?[/i]

- A DH[/quote][/quote]

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