Reply to Got with and married to dh young, now struggling with missing out

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[quote=Anonymous]I also started dating my husband at 18.  We married at 25, and now we are here at 39 with two kids.  I love my husband, but we just don't have a lot in common.  We met so young and I definitely was passionately into him and we were having sex multiple times a day like seems to happen when you are so young and have relatively few responsibilities.  I didn't really think about whether we were suitable for each other, I just knew I loved him and he was incredibly supportive.  There was never a reason to break up, and when he asked me to marry him, it just seemed natural.  But the whole time, I never really analyzed our situation.  I am an extrovert who loves being around people, and I talk a lot (which can be annoying, I know), love traveling to new places, really love food, and value humor above almost everything else.  I laugh several times a day and usually have a good, hard to stop laugh at least every other day.  I enjoy cracking jokes and making people smile.  But I am also a pretty nervous person who worries about things like the kids' health, our retirement funds, etc.  My husband is basically my opposite.  He is very introverted, has very few friends, loves music and makes music himself, is very serious, doesn't really understand why humor is important, finds no value in the outdoors or travel, really loves in-depth conversations and being alone with our family, is very into making and fixing things, very much enjoys solving very challenging issues, and is really not worried about the future.  None of these things really seemed that big of a deal to me when we got together because I was only 18.  I am positive he would not be into me if we met today because we are just so different.

He ended up having an affair when my last kid was very young.  I think he too probably feels like he missed out.  Honestly, from what I know of the OW, she probably is better suited for him.  She also is very introverted and is interested in the types of music he enjoys.  From what I understand, she also does not like the outdoors or travel.  Too bad she had four kids and was married, and he was married too.  He told me that he never felt the same towards her as he felt towards me, and it puzzled him due to their similarities.

At any rate, we are trying to work on the marriage.  I now feel like I missed out, even though I never really felt that way before.  But I think that is probably the outcome of his affair.  I think the best thing to do is to decide what is more important - chasing after greener pastures and what could have been (which may indeed have been better), or sticking it out with the person you committed to.  I do think it's different when you get together so young.  I definitely hope my children don't stick with their teenage significant others and have a bunch of relationships so they can learn what works and what doesn't work.  That's another thing I missed - really learning good interpersonal skills by being exposed to multiple relationships.[/quote]

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