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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our oldest DC has received several invitations for bar and bat mitzvahs this fall. We are not Jewish and are new at this.

Is DC supposed to bring a gift? If so, does DC bring it to the event or give it to the celebrant at another time? Any suggestions for types of things that are appropriate or how much we should spend? Is it supposed to be a religious gift?

Also, some of the invitations are not clear as to whether DC is invited to the ceremony or the party or both. If timing for a morning service is in conflict, is it tacky to go just to the party and not the religious service? Or should we decline both?

Finally, how can I help DC understand that this is not just a party but is a meaningful religious milestone to these kids?

DC is at a new school this year and doesn't know any of these kids very well. I'm thinking they are all invite-the-whole-class types of things, but not sure about that.

Thank you!

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we give $36 to anyone we don't know well. We are jewish and I am not giving a kid I do not know $54.  We went to Israel to avoid all this crap.

Yes, your child needs to bring a gift.  I do not think I received anything other than money for my Bat Mitzvah (do not remember friends actually giving me a non-monetary gift).  Normally you give in multiples of $18.  $36 would be appropriate in this case.  Bring gift to the party.

Your child is invited to the ceremony and the party.  It is rude (IMHO) to go to the party and not the ceremony.  If your child does not know the other child well and does not really want to go, just decline. 
By going to the service in the morning your child should get that it is a religious milestone and not some extravagant birthday party.
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