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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Good question OP. I thought I had processed all this anger and let it go; I saw my parents and family members as flawed human beings and worked on my own life. I was happy, for a while. Took action and made my own decisions. Even while enduring all sorts of continuing criticism from family. Now, in mid-life, with lots of things not going my way and no hope to turn them around (only acceptance), anger has come back strong with no sense of closure at all. Obviously I had not let it go like I thought I had.

Talk therapy has helped me but my anger is bigger than before, so looking for advice as well, and also interested in detailed descriptions of how people have "let go" and the ways you have done this. [/quote]

OP here. Yes, this is me. Parents were physically and emotionally abusive.  I put it in perspective, confronted them, etc., and had moved along. We even had a decent relationship.  However, I find certain life events trigger the feelings again. The first time, after birth of first child, I hashed it all out again with myself and with them, and it was much worse and we don't talk much any more (are on speaking terms but no one goes out of their way).  I find that although I do see them as flawed and vulnerable human beings, I also see with more clarity their choices and actually feel less compassion for them than I used to. So that's not helpful.  It's almost like an onion for me, I keep peeling back the layers but there is more.

Hearing what other people have gone through is very helpful. Thanks to the poster who mentioned not caring as much, not expecting. I think new life events can trigger past expectations of what that would or should have looked like. Consciously reminding myself that it's not going to be like that, and that I have to make a choice about how much I "care" -- let it get under my skin, hurt me, etc., is helpful.[/quote]

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