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[quote=Anonymous]My XH is Jewish. Two of his siblings had serious fertility problems and adopted children. One couple adopted white newborns after long waits. The other one adopted internationally and have one white Eastern European child adopted as a toddler and one non-white child adopted as a young infant from Latin America. The infant had been baptized in his orphanage. All of the kids were converted shortly after adoption. The two white domestic newborns had no issues fitting in to the community. Both are young adults who have a Jewish identity, but neither is observant according to my child. They did do the Birthright trip. The white toddler and non-white infant both had attachment issues and other SN that I think their community didn't understand. That might have created some discomfort and estrangement. My DD says neither of those cousins identify as Jewish. The one adopted from Eastern Europe says she is a Christian and is interested in the Orthodox Church. The one adopted from Latin America has attended services for multiple religions including some that seem cultish. We actually bumped into him watching the Hare Krishnas in Silver Spring a few weeks ago.
I don't think it is fair or unfair in a blanket way. It depends on your community and your understanding of being Jewish. You could look for a community with many converts and Jews of color.  My XH didn't belong to a community and agreed initially to raised our DD in my faith. He changed his mind after we divorced, but because he didn't really do anything to offer an alternative, she practices my religion and doesn't consider herself Jewish. She and her adopted cousin from Eastern Europe both enjoy the broad ethnic food traditions of the area and a lot of that cuisine feels Jewish in the American sense of Jewish culture. But loving a good bialy does not a Jew make. 
I belong to a religion without an ancestral component and converts are common so I can't relate to what the cousins or their parents experienced. I know that the grandparents are disappointed that so many grandkids don't see themselves as Jewish despite decades of family holidays and b'nai mitzvah celebrations.
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