Reply to Should I let DS fail in 7th Grade

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[quote=Anonymous]Definitely get the neuropsych and rule out ADHD Inattentive and learning disabilities such as dysgraphia.  Also make sure the tester screens for depression and/or anxiety.  Some of what you describe sounds symptomatic of either of those.

If he does have a learning disability and you and the counselor have been harping on his "motivation," you owe him a sincere apology.   Tell him you're sorry you didn't realize that he was having this kind of difficulty and you realize it was wrong to call him lazy and unmotivated and to punish him for things he had difficulty with because of his learning differences.  Then get him the appropriate kind of help (tutors, medication, specialized instruction in writing or whatever).  Speaking from experience, serious psychological damage is done to a kids sense of self and abilities when adults mistake learning disabilities for laziness.  If this is the case, expect to spend at least a year working on re-building the connection the student feels between effort and the possibility that that effort will lead to success.

If the neuropsych rules out all problems, consider whether he is bright but bored?  My brother was like this... calculating that he only needed a D to pass English and graduate.

Does he understand how college works?  If he's a bright but bored kid, take him on some college visits.  Explain to him what college is ... 4 years of living with friends and getting it paid for by loans or parents.  Doing what you please.  Taking classes that you like.  Being somewhere new.  Getting a fresh start.  The alternative choice is getting a job that is likely to be even more boring than school and which will not even pay well enough to allow him to live in a  1 BR apartment by himself.  He will be stuck paying rent to you instead of paying to live by himself or with friends.

Then explain the reality of getting into college.  Good grades (specify exactly how good) and good test scores.  Getting good grades in high school takes some practice in MS.

Yes, acknowledge MS is boring.  Ally yourself with that.  What is the least amount of work he needs to put in to get an A or B?  Would he have a better grade if he just sucked it up and turned in his homework?  Does he understand that a lot of homework grades are for completion, not necessarily accuracy?  (So, you can get a good grade as long as you've made some kind of answer on every question.)

Explain that he is the only one who can get himself into college.  The effort he puts in now affects his choices in 6 years.  You are there to help him -- check homework for completion and accuracy, explain things he is having trouble with in class or hire tutors, etc.  But, you can't do it for him.  [/quote]

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