Reply to When to stop helping mom who makes terrible decisions

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[quote=Anonymous]My mom recently announced to me that she is getting divorced for the third time. I'm not all that surprised but she won't  really tell me why. She moved closer to me and DH last year and now wants to move even closer.

Long story short- shes retired, terrible with money, has barely any money saved, has no budget, and just wants to rent an apartment that she really can't afford. I spent my whole week trying to look up apartments in a more reasonable price range, tried to get the details of her finances in order but she's not listening. She's going to blow through her money and be in bad shape. She doesn't want a lawyer even though I told her she absolutely needed one. She just wants to go furniture shopping to decorate for her new life. I suggested a reasonable action plan with more inexpensive 1 bedrooms (she wants a 2-bedroom), advised her on lawyers (she told me she would call but I doubt she will), tried to set a budget (she spends more in groceries than my family of 4). I'm tired of helping. She's rushing into this like she does everything else.

I'm nervous she will need serious care as she gets older and won't have any money to take care of herself. She has long term care insurance but won't tell me exactly what it is. All I know is it's linked with her life insurance and her husband is staying the beneficiary and plans to pay her half the monthly costs. Sounds weird to me. She claims they'll work in out with a lawyer.  DH is sick of her antics (I'm leaving a lot out here) and said since she won't listen to sound financial advice now, he's not going to help her down the road. I don't blame him but what can I do? Can I really deny her care or help? DH and I make decent money but I can't imagine a time when we will have enough to cover mom and her possible medical costs. We simply do not have extra money and I can't take that away from my own children and savings. She's mostly fine health wise now but takes terrible care of herself- not active no exercise.

I have a sister but she's far away and very self centered and won't really help.

Any advice on how to just be done with helping? I know it will upset her but I feel like I have to just say if she's not going to listen then I can't support this decision and can't help. I'm just so nervous for the future- her running out of money, needing medical care, and being destitute.[/quote]

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