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[quote=Anonymous]I have a 15 year old son who started hanging with girl at the end of school last year/beginning of summer.  A first.  He has also not had close guy friends so kids don't come over to my house despite my encouragement, so neither are used to what's normal when friends are over.  But of course there are expectations and ground rules.  He's a good kid, but a bit of a follower, and I think he is pretty whipped.

The girl is starting 9th grade, him 10th.  While I heard nice things about her, and she seems so, I have concerns about the 2 of them together because every time they are together I'm getting the vibe that they are making out way beyond what I feel is ok right now.  I do not know for certain, but its my gut.  They jump up a lot, there was some weird comment about something that made me question my son if he had sex, oral or any other.  He said no.  Who would really tell their mom though.

One main thing I'm running in to is that there seems to either be a lack of knowledge, awareness or care about what to do and where.

Ex: There isn't much to do as a teen.  Go to the mall or watch TV.  I let her come over to watch a move.  I have made big dinners and let him invite her.  I have offered to drive to water parks etc. so they can do stuff that isn't sitting around....and to show him I am open and okay to his having a person over.

However, I have found them laying on the sofa together then JUMPING up a few times.  I have found them laying on a bean bag together under a blanket.  The first time friends were around and I was slow on the uptake.  The 2nd time I told him afterward it was not ok and no blankets.  I have told him he may not LAY DOWN with her period! They were on the beanbag under a blanket with smaller cousins, and I can only assume they are feeling each other up.  In front of others thinking they are stealth.

I am not naive and get if they want to do what they want to do, they will find a way.  What I do not want to to create the opportunity or somehow give the message that because I'm friendly, hosting dinners or saying YES to movie nights here, I am okay with the rabbit mentality.  Why make it easier for them to go at it?

Sex is not a new topic in my house, easy to talk about and been doing it for years.  What I can't penetrate (no pun) is the fact that he is WHIPPED and likely only 1 brain is thinking and he somehow thinks laying down and feeling each other up in my house is okay - (no fear).

Meanwhile, who knows what her experience is or what is going on - I think she is the initiator, the more experienced and the one in charge.

MY QUESTIONS: 
1.what do you allow in your home when kids visit? Rules?
2. I check on them, but the TV isn't under my nose
3. would you speak with the mom ; (I have told her he isn't allowed to have texts after 9 b/c they otherwise text till midnight and god knows what those look like are say). She didn't realize and is supportive. Mom is nice, another tired single mom doing her best. Do I say I am worried about the WAY they spend their time? I am trying to create a safe space for her by being in touch w/her and told my son that his behavior is not only not ok for a few reasons, but also b/c I am saying your daughter is safe here - then they engage in stuff and so that isn't fair to her mom b/c she got sort of false advertizing if that makes sense.
4.what tips, messages, advice to you have for how I navigate this phase?

I came from a very strict home. No boys ever came over. I really don't know how to address this and I don't want to be my mother - so strict no one came over and I snuck & hid & lied.

thx[/quote]

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