Reply to Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews

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Reply to "Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off""

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[quote=Anonymous]Who do you think you are to interfere in their family?  Their kids aren't being abused.  You think your BIL is horrible because he won't pay for a private math tutor, an SAT prep course, or pay for their college?

My husband and I both have advanced degrees.  Both of us came from working class families.  Our parents didn't pay for prep courses or math tutors, and they made it clear they weren't paying for college.

I had full academic scholarships.  My husband paid his way through school by working.  Neither of us had student loan debt.

Meanwhile, I see a lot of entitled kids these days who are overscheduled, spoiled, don't understand the concept of self-sufficiency or independence.  Their parents pay for tons of activities and prep courses and everything else, but they've done little to teach their kids the value of hard work and, more importantly, the value in figuring things out on your own.

As long as the kids know early enough not to expect help from the parents for college, I don't see the problem.  There's no bait and switch.

There are plenty of resources online for teenagers about SATs, about college.  I didn't have any of those resources, and I still figured it out.

Not to mention, I actually think learning a trade might be more valuable these days.

He's right in that you need to leave his family alone.  They're not your kids.  When they're 18, they're free to do what they want.  If that includes getting help from you or taking your advice, then that's fine.

I also think you are wrong.  Not going to college doesn't mean they turn out like the deadbeat father.  You can raise a kid with values even if you aren't agreeing to pay for their college.  It sounds like your BIL is setting a good example for them by being a hard working and providing for his family -- even kids who aren't his biological children.

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