Reply to My Kid is Obsessed with the Queen Bee

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[quote=Anonymous]When DS was having problems with his not-so-nice BFF, we of course recommended taking a break and playing with someone else etc.  But DS always seemed to argue with us or have a bunch of reasons or excuses why that wouldn't work.  I think in some ways he was a bit defensive about his not-so-nice BFF, even though he knew he wasn't treating him well.

So we shifted tactics.  We found all sorts of new and different ways to help DS focus on the nice kids in his class.  Literally, we would find ways to ask who the NICEST kid in the class was.  Or the NICEST kid on the bus (a war zone of teasing and bad choices).  Or the kid who was usually the best behaved in the cafeteria (another mess of a place . . . )  Or the kid who everyone in the class liked to play with.  Or the kid who was nice to everyone.  You get the idea.  Then when DS offered up a name, we'd ask why or for some other detail, and DS would think and talk a little more about it.

This helped all of us shift our focus from what a BAD friend looked like to what a GOOD friend looked like.  And it helped DS think about positive friendships in a more concrete way.  Not just the QUALITIES of a good friend (though that's good, too), but what it looks like in practice.

And of course, it gave us ideas about who to suggest for playdates etc.  :)  Again, not putting down unkind BFF.  Just helping DS think of other options (without directly telling him to drop BFF and go play with X.)

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