Reply to If you are happily remarried, does the love feel more authentic than it did in the first marriage?

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Reply to "If you are happily remarried, does the love feel more authentic than it did in the first marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am one of only three people in my very large family to ever divorce. I am now happily remarried. My great grandmother divorced in the 1930s and it was scandalous back then. One uncle divorced after a brief marriage in the 1980s and it too was scandalous. :roll:   My grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, siblings and most of my 35 cousins are still married to their high school or college sweethearts. My family is religious, many of them are from small working class towns. I went to a family wedding every year of my life until I was 30. My childhood was full of nonstop, unquestioned messages that marriage happens to everyone and it lasts forever as long as you work hard at it...sometimes really really hard. Sacrifice. Tolerating disrespect. Not wanting much for yourself.  :roll:  There is a sort of mythology attached to meeting and marrying young and making it last into your senior years until death. The first and only love fantasy runs deep in my family.

Well, that framework just did not work for me. I met my first husband somewhat young (mid twenties) and attached the same sort of fantasy to it...in the end hard work did not save it....he was an irresponsible a*$&-+&.

I've been in my second marriage for a little over a decade and I'm struck by how good we are together and how easy marriage with him is. No sacrifices. No disrespect. We resolve problems relatively quickly and without any drama. Sex life good. We make a good team. I sometimes though  have grief over him not being my one and only husband who I met when I was very young. I accept and I'm grateful for what we have but I so wish I had met him in college....that he had been my first love. I felt a twinge of sadness about it when my 6 year old asked me about my wedding to her father. My divorce is not a family secret that we will hide from her..but she was so innocent as she imagined our wedding being the only one.

Can anyone relate? Or share a different worldview that will shift this narrow way of thinking for me?

Anyone relate? [/quote]

Yup, definitely better in so many ways.  I suspect because I settled with first marriage, was young (mid twenties) and didn't really know what kind of adult I would turn out to be.  My ex and I grew apart over a ten year period after two kids and we weren't even friends, at least unless you count me faking that I still liked spending time with her.  Fast forward twenty plus years into my second marriage I can't believe how well we get along and how everything is so effortless.  I really love this person, and I mean insanely in love with her, definitely not like my first marriage.  From the moment I had my first date with my current wife I felt like I had known her all my life.  I do wish I had waited to marry until I was a little older, I think it would have made a difference in who I married the first time around.  [/quote]

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