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[quote=Anonymous]My H. had an affair.  We're trying to work things out with pastoral counseling.

Please help me handle these situations better.

-me - I wake up.  It's 5:30 in the morning.  H.  is gone from bed.  Car is gone.  I tell him:  I know you like to get coffee out and the paper, but it causes me some distress because that was your MO to be on the phone with AP every morning.  I just want reassurance that you understand this is a trigger, but I really don't need you to change.  It's not getting coffee, I still feel insecure.

-H. I do plenty to show you I care.  What does reassurance mean?  I'm not into any pity party stuff.  I get over things by being happy.  You're just not a happy person.

- me -  I'd like a little sympathy and compassion for what I went through.  I'm feeling very alone and lonely and unsupported.

- H. -  what is sympathy?  How am I supposed to be compassionate?  I just don't operate like you do in pity party mode.  I try to focus on happy things.

This exchange circles back, nothing gets solved, I end up more hurt.  What's the deal here?[/quote]

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