Reply to Accountability for an affair? Should cheating spouse tell his/her own family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like you want him to be accountable to people other than you. I can sympathize with those feelings, and totally understand backing off from his family because you don't know how to behave around them. However, I think that your DH is right - you can't repack that box, and if what you are going for is reconciliation and repairing your marriage, I think that it's probably best to keep that work between the two of you.

I think it's great that you have found people to confide in and that you are getting that support. It doesn't sound like you will get support from DH's family - and honestly, I don't think it's right to expect that. He is their son, and while he clearly screwed up big time, it doesn't sound like what he did would be an unforgivable offense in his family.

I would focus on other ways that you can rebuild things with your husband. [b]It sounds like you want him to hurt the way you are hurting but do not believe him when he tells you that he is hurting. Accountability in this situation is different from vengeance. [/quote][/b]

OP here. yes, I want this. Is this possible? It feels wildly unfair that I have to hold all the pain and do all the work of forgiving.[b] I do want him to hurt, too! [/b] I have thought about leaving for a week or more, but we have a small child and that makes it difficult.  [/quote]

See 15:35 above. You will never be satisfied that he is "hurt" as much as you. There is no way for your to measure this. You feel wronged and you want vengeance. Even if you exact pain on him it will never be enough. This is simply human nature. I've noticed in my own life that there are a couple major "insults" that I simply are not able to get past. It as been years and years but when I dwell on them I wish there was some way to make those people pay. There is no price high enough that would make me forgive them in actuality. Even if they paid some terrible price I would say "they deserved it!" and then I would wish more pain on them. This sounds like you.
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