Reply to Spouse caring for ailing parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who spent much of last year taking care of my dying mother 5 hours away, I'd just say I know it sucks.  Can you go there with him sometimes?  I'm sure he misses you and the kids.

The house can go to shit for a while, or hire a housekeeper every other week if you can. Triage. No one regrets taking good care of a dying loved one.  No one wishes they could have cleaned more thoroughly in this time.  Eliminate anything non-urgent...your kids don't need to be in lots of activities or anything.  Your family is cradling grandpa into death.  It's all hands on deck.  It shouldn't be all on your DH.

Come here to bitch, sure.  It's good to vent. But please try to be nothing but kind and supportive to your DH.  He is exhausted and grieving and missing normalcy and love.  Try to prioritize him over anything but the kids...not laundry, not cleaning, etc.  none of that will really matter a year from now.  How you loved him will.[/quote]

All of this.  It is hard, and it sucks for both of you.  It's probably emotionally and physically exhausting for him and for you.  Totally normal, and I hope no one is too harsh on you since an anonymous board can sometimes be a good place to vent.

Is there a timeframe? Is this an illness that could linger a year or two, or is he final stages? Is FIL in his own home, or in a care facility?  When my MIL was in her last few months we had a toddler, an elderly dog, I WOH, and I had minor surgery at one point.  It was really tough.  A few times we drove with DH and just stayed at MIL's house while he spent the time with her at the nursing home.  I definitely ate a lot of Lean Cuisines rather than dealing with real meals, and the 1yr old ate lots of easy finger foods.

Do you have good friends in your 'hood who you could lean on occasionally with carpools or even playdates for your kids so that you have time to do laundry or clean the house in peace? My mom in younger and in good health so would sometimes come for a few days when DH was going to be gone.

Good luck, this is definitely part of the "for better or worse" parts of marriage.  And my condolences.
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