Reply to Let's play "who's the jerk?" - or at least sympathize with my situation

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[quote=Anonymous]Let's see... how to abridge this story... My husband married me with the hope and expectation that we would have a family, but after several years and a few painful losses, we now know that I'm infertile and only with donor eggs can we have a child. I have a younger sister who at first agreed to give us eggs, but about three months ago she changed her mind shortly before we were to start. Purchasing donors eggs will be prohibitively expensive. I am hurt, but I also understand her fears and concerns, and even if our relationship is never the same, I still love her - she is my sister, and we have always been close. My husband hates her now, and on top of that he's soured on my parents for not getting involved or talking to him about how he feels. He says he feels like nobody in my family cares about his feelings. The truth is that my father never thought it was a good idea in the first place, but he didn't get involved when we were planning to do the egg donation and he's not getting involved now. My mother tried to console my husband shortly after my sister changed her mind, but he said he didn't want to talk about it without me present, and the topic has not been raised in my family's presence since. My parents are incredibly warm and loving people who have welcomed my husband into the family and treated him like their own son.

Since this all happened, my mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer and begun chemo. My father has a heart condition. They are both under tremendous strain, and a rift between my sister and me will only compound their stress, so I am pretending like everything is fine and focusing on taking care of my mother. My husband cannot bear to be around any of them. He says hateful things about my sister (to me, not to my parents) and declares that he will never be in the same room with her again. This is all painful for me to listen to - she has hurt me, but I do love her. The one time he came to my parents' house for a meal recently he was grumpy and rude.

I am trying to be sensitive - I mean, the man is absorbing the realization that he will likely never be a father - but his behavior is making a bad situation so much worse. If he can't get past this, I'm thinking we may have to divorce - I have always been very close to my family, and I will not pull away from them, especially now. When things come to a head, my husband realizes he's going to lose me and promises to get over it for my sake, but he just cannot. I don't know how much time to give this until I say "enough."

Do I need to try to be more understanding, or is he really out of line?

Thanks for reading. I feel pretty lost.[/quote]

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