Reply to Feeling so guilty - Found out friend lied about break-up reason

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[quote=Anonymous]Long story short, I've known my friend John since middle school (in our late twenties now). When we were all about 22 he started dating Jane and introduced her to our group of friends. We all got along well with her and liked her very much. Fast forward to when we were all 25 or so, John and Jane got engaged. As the months went on and the wedding planning took hold I noticed Jane becoming withdrawn around us, but she always managed a smile and told me she was stressed/busy when I would ask what was wrong.

6 months or so before the wedding date, she abruptly (at least to me and our group of friends) called off the wedding. John was hysterical and devastated, drinking himself into a stupor. He said she wouldn't give him a reason and he suspected she was cheating. Me and our friends did not reach out to her, and she did not reach out to us. We heard through John that she quietly canceled everything, forfeited the deposits (which her parents had paid), and mailed him the ring. By this point we had all pretty much demonized her - she was a cheater who broke our friends heart.

Fast forward to a few days ago (about 3 years after the break up). John of the blue confessed that he had abused Jane after he proposed. He mentioned specific instances of slamming her head against the car dashboard during an argument and pushing her up against the wall when he drank too much. I was (and am) horrified. I asked him if the cheating aspect was even true and he said that it wasn't, he was just hurt and wanted us to hate her as much as he did for calling off the wedding. He said Jane knew what he had told us but didn't contradict him for whatever reason (maybe she was being noble, or just didn't want to bother getting into more drama).

Even though years have gone by and I know from social media savvy friends that Jane has moved on/happily married/thrived, I feel so guilty. I feel awful for not even bothering to ask her side of the story when everything happened, and I feel horrible that she had to go through all of that on top of being painted as the villain.

Is it appropriate for me to reach out to her to apologize? I'm not trying to rekindle the friendship (and I'm sure considering the circumstances, she wouldn't want to) but I feel like I should at least message her to say that I'm sorry for assuming the worst. She and I were never as close as I was to John but she was still my friend, and I owed her better than that.[/quote]

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