Reply to STD from BF plus revelations about our early days

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[quote=Anonymous]BF and I are both divorced and have been serious for six months.   Our first date was very special, exciting, and one of the best memories of my life.  We had sex a few weeks in.  I told him that to be intimate, I need exclusivity and for him to get tested for STDs.  He was tested, everything negative, did not test for HPV (don't think you can).

Fast forward and overall we've had a wonderful six months.  Recently he found a genital wart, and now I have one as well: diagnosis HPV.  For those who don't know, the strain of HPV causing genital warts is essentially non-worrisome, and not the strains that cause cervical cancer.   It's common and not really a big deal, and yet I'm upset and grossed out.  I had the warts removed and am healing.

Before intimacy, we discussed sex/relationship history.  He hadn't used condoms (vasectomy) with his two previous partners in the last few years, both of whom were FWBs.  I was disappointed by the lack of condoms and no STD testing, but appreciated his honesty.

Somehow now the topic of his last FWB came up and he disclosed that he'd still been seeing her when we first starting dating.  He stopped sleeping with her before he and I slept together, so it wasn't cheating, however the timing was a shock to me because I'd had the impression it had been quite a few months in between us.  I don't know whether he lied directly, by omission, or misimpression.  I can't remember how specifically we discussed the timing back then, but I was hard core about the sexual health stuff and he knows I'm a borderline germophobe.  I think the timing of a last lover is relevant.  Now I've asked directly whether he'd slept with her after meeting me (but before we slept together), and he won't answer that, so I assume he did.

First, I'm super grossed out that after he and I met and had a magical first few weeks, he could have been sleeping with her, even if he and I weren't sexual yet.  To be fair, he and I met online and I was open about still dating the first few weeks.  I had some new first and second dates, nothing sexual. I didn't want to commit too early, and a few dates with other men helped with perspective.  I knew that this guy was special.  I'm the first to agree that sex isn't always connected with emotion, and I've had a FWB before, but I cannot imagine sleeping with someone else after he and I met and sparks flew.  Also, I think first/second dates are different than sleeping someone.  I can't imagine sleeping with another man during the time that BF and I met because we were so mutually excited and it seemed special.  This makes me question all that.

I'm also concerned that he didn't tell me he'd been with someone so close in timing to me.  I feel misled, and I'm questioning whether I've been blinded by love and whether I need to question his general honesty.

Am I overreacting?

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