Reply to please tell me about living accommodations during separation--"sharing" your home and a rental?

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[quote=Anonymous]We are separating and trying to discuss living arrangements.

We own a home in the FAR out suburbs.   I am a SAHM to older kids.   He works closer in (commute is more than 1 hour).  He leaves the house to begin his commute around 5:30 am and returns home around 5 pm.
The older children are the first to leave for school in the morning (by about 2 hours) and the younger one is too young to get himself off to the bus stop reliably, so if (when) I go back to work, we would need to arrange for childcare.  I have been a SAHM  almost our entire marriage (I got pregnant right after we married) so it will take me a LONG time, and possibly I will need to get more up to date education/training, before I can get a decent job.

He thinks I should move out of the home, get a 1 bedroom apartment somewhere close by and visit with the kids whenever I want.   We have a neighbor that offers before school care in her home so he wants to hire her to watch our youngest child in the mornings.  I think it's ridiculous to hire someone to watch my kid when I will likely be just sitting in an apartment a few miles a way (depending on when I am able to find a job, and also what the schedule is/how early I need to leave for work when I do.)   His reasoning for wanting to be the primary custody parent is that recently, he has been taking the kids to their evening activities more than I have.   This is true--over the last couple years they have been participating in more activities that HE (my husband) is involved in--boy scouts, football, etc.  My husband is more active in those activities (assistant coaching, adult leadership, etc.) so he has been the one to bring them to MORE practices.  However, I am still the one that attends the less "consistent" events (orchestra/choir concerts, back to school nights, other "one off" events)  We have four kids so during the school year, most nights there are at least 2 activities going on that kids need transportation/attending parent--it just happens that he usually takes on the more "consistent ones" and I tend to take on the "just this week" ones.  Also I am the one to arrange all dental appointments, doctors appointments, etc. that occur during the day when he is at work.

I think HE should move to an apartment (maybe closer to his work to help his commute?) and visit the kids whenever he wants.   If I am able to get a job relatively soon, we could still hire the neighbor for childcare, if needed to accommodate my work schedule.

Money IS an issue--if either of us rents an apartment it would likely need to be a small 1 bedroom--and with 4 kids, if they were to spend time living at the apartment it would really need to be at least a LARGE 3 bedroom.

So one option we have thought of is renting one small one bedroom apartment locally, and taking turns who lives in it.   Of course, we'd have to establish a separate space (closet?  shelves?) in each residence for us to keep our personal stuff.

Has anyone done this option before?  Or know someone who has?   How did it work for you?

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