Reply to DC "thinks" they are gay and I have questions

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[quote=Anonymous]I can't answer your resettlement Q but my DC is also 13 and also came out to us LY as bi. Then just same sex (gay). DC has dated opposite gender prior to id'ing as bi. DC came out last fall as bi to a few friends, as gay to more ppl this winter, and is recently coming out to our extended family this summer on trips. Currently has same sex dating friend.

My advice would be to follow your child's lead on the coming-out process. My DC was hurt when some friends were homophobic (in response to bi coming out in fall). But, telling your child NOT to come out, even if trying to protect them, is not supportive. I wouldn't push your child one way or another. And we did help our child navigate the process (e.g. warning DC that friends were realistically, quite likely to talk about this since DC thought telling just a few friends might be possible). We also haven't rushed it and really supported DC coming out at own pace with extended family. I also recognize that my DC is evolving. I try to maintain for DC that a)retaining the right to change and evolve is good (and not in a homophobic 'you might be hetero after you experiment' condescending way, which DC is very sensitive to as in 'you wouldn't tell a straight kid who says they want to marry a prince or princess when they grow up that it's just a phase...') and b)people are not always accepting or kind when they are confronted with difference, and we are here to support you. DC's grandmother and grandfather just reacted in a tremendously supportive way when we saw them on vacation so that was great. The friends who gossiped about how DC might have a crush on them -- telling each other to watch out! & then finger pointing at the other when busted -- hurt DC deeply. But I think DC gets that some ppl are true friends & some aren't, and that DC has time to grow up. We just keep telling her, "you be you" and "we hope you are lucky enough when you are older to find someone you love" and try to help DC feel supported. We literally just bought rainbow towels for the whole family (thank you Target!) to go to the beach & it made DC very happy.[/quote]

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