Reply to DC with theoretical desire to excel in sports, but little effort

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[quote=Anonymous]I wasn't sure how to title this thread! My DS is 12 and passionately loves a certain sport; however, he is not naturally skilled and never seems (to me) to want to put in any practice time other than his actual team practice.  He plays on a rec team which practices once a week in the fall/spring, with one game on the weekends.  He really wants to make a travel team (he tried out last year and did not make one), but it is so obvious that he isn't as naturally skilled as the other players, nor does he have the competitiveness or drive to make up for his lack of natural skills.  When I suggest to him the he throw on the bounce back, he doesn't want to.  When I suggest we go outside together and play, he doesn't want to.  When I suggest he sign up for an extra clinic or camp, he doesn't want to.

I know I can't, and shouldn't, make him to anything extra that he doesn't want to do, AND that this is a great opportunity for him to learn the "natural consequences" of his decisions.  But he seems to have a real problem in making that connection.  Last summer he didn't make the travel team, and we talked about it afterwards and at the time he agreed that he would need to work harder, practice more, etc to hopefully make it the next year, but none of that sunk it when it was time to actually put in the time for extra practice, etc.

Also, if you ask him, he thinks he does "work hard" at his sport.  He occasionally signs up for an extra clinic or camp, but it seems to me he just goes through the motions and doesn't seem to try as hard as the other kids there.  When I point out to him that there is a difference between quantity of time spent on something, and quality of time spent on something, he doesn't seem to get that point.

My point in posting isn't to ask how to help DC make a travel team - I just don't think that will (or frankly, should) happen.  But I would love to find ways to help him to make the connection between effort and results, since he doesn't seem to be able to easily do that, even with what I think is a great example right in front of him.  He has inattentive adhd, fwiw, and executive function deficits, and I do wonder if those make it harder for him to see the connections or to understand how to map a plan for improvement (although even if so, I still feel at a loss for how to help him improve on that).

I would love to hear from parents who have similar kids and what has helped (if anything). [/quote]

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